7 Cases When You are Too Fat to…


We can all come up some pretty creative excuses for what we have, have not, or don’t want to do, but sometimes excuses can be pretty legitimate. Then, again, they can be hokey as hell. Here are seven examples of ‘I am just too fat to get that done’. The fact is, these individuals, more often than not, were pretty right in their deductions.

1. I’m too fat to cremate…


In Austria an entire crematorium nearly burned to the ground when cremators attempted to cremate a 440-lb woman. According to fire investigators the obese individual’s fat was burning, and her body was blocking an air filter duct, which sparked the blaze. Water had to be rushed through the vents to put the fire out, but the business was shut down for a number of days before they could get back to ‘business as usual’.

2. She’s too fat to kill…


This woman, referred to as the ‘Half-Ton Killer’, copped to a murder charge but came up lacking in the eyes of the court. She told authorities she had rolled over on top of her 2-year old nephew by accident, resulting in his death, but doctors were able to prove that the tot could have only been killed by blunt force trauma to the head. After being called out on the lie, the 31-year old, 1,100-lb woman confessed that she concocted the tale to protect her sister, who she admitted had beaten the boy about the head and body earlier on the day of his death.